I look back on the past four years and ask myself how I could have handled everything that happened during those years. The answer is - I couldn't have done it alone and I thank those who have given me help and support. To Martina, thank you for helping me work with the "good girl" in me. In 2019, I was working in several roles in social services, caring for my and my husband's mum was becoming increasingly challenging, with puberty still 'living at home' with us. I was a typical product of the sandwich generation. I took on a lot of responsibilities for the people and events around me.
Until one day I had an accident that stopped me for almost a year. It got me thinking on the subject that I should start appreciating my life because no one else was going to do it for me. I re-evaluated my job - I made a change that took the pressure off. It was a good thing because both grandmothers' conditions were continually deteriorating.
My mother had been severely hard of hearing in recent years with progressive Alzheimer's disease. My husband's mom was no longer self-sufficient, although mentally it was not as challenging for me as it was with my mom.
I was looking for outside help, which my mother very strongly denied. Communication was very difficult, my mother got lost several times, fell somewhere outside, the ambulance service intervened. The doctor at the hospital said that my mother should be in a special care home. But - she would have to agree to stay. One day, I turned to a care center for help. An attempt was made to involve an outreach social worker in the care - unfortunately this did not work - my mother was quite fundamentally opposed to the presence of a stranger in her home. The center told me that if mum refused the service, they would at least offer psychotherapy for me.
I started going to Martina. She was a really big help because she helped me to look at my feelings of responsibility for what was happening to my mum. I had a really strong conviction that I couldn't put my mum anywhere and I should do more even though I didn't know how. It helped me realize the difference between the terms "taking care of" and "sacrificing myself". Eventually, my mother was hospitalized in PL Bohnice after one challenging incident. I dealt with what would happen when Mom was discharged. Martina slowly helped me process that the only possible solution was a special needs home based on the referral from Bohnice.
So my mother spent the last months of her life in an Alzheimer's center near my home, where we could visit her often. Gradually, I came to accept that this was the best possible solution. My husband's mother also suffered from progressive dementia - but not in an aggressive form, and she also had cancer. We tried to allow her to live in her environment for as long as possible, and have a peaceful end of life. I got up each day knowing that I "needed to get through this" while managing not to beat myself up that my strength had its limits. And that is very important. Thank you to Martina who has been a great guide on my journey.
Radka
